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| Sad days |
| 10.24.04 (1:29 am) [edit] |
So sorry for not writing for like a month. But it looks like no one really cares because I have no comments...again!
I'm thinking of closing this site down and opening my own personal blog on some other host.
But until then I suppose I will keep using Tblog. Kind of a lame idea of my own personal blog somewhere else....don't even know if any cares for me. Heh...
So homecomeing was last month. Got some cool footage of people...
Yeah...they're cool.
Heather's really pretty, eh? I'm so in love with her it's not even funny but I also like this guy, Richard, who Kolt's set on beating up because he keeps "touching" me. I may have to break up with Heather, though. It's for the best, I think, so I don't end up hurting her. I'm falling in love with Richard and I can't help but "playing" with him. I guess it's from never seeing Heather....I mean, I see her almost every morning before school but never after school because her mom's a bitch...I miss her so much...
Supposed to be out tonight. My new friend Phalicia was supposed to take me and Taniesha out tonight to go party but once again she has bailed. :shock: Interesting....well, not really. She's kind of suck ass friend. lol.
But whatever....
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| False Hopes.... |
| 09.21.04 (12:42 pm) [edit] |
Figures...a good title?
Watching the new GC video, Predictable. Would put it on the site but I doubt they have it already....really good song, though, although they do kind of look like posers... :shock:
Yay...pictures. I took some more of me just because I really haven't had any of me lately...well, I haven't had any good ones of me...so here...
Yeah...so...anyway...
Today's a GREAT day! *dies* My fucking dad is comeing to town and, of course, my mom has class tonight so I'm stuck going to dinner with him and fucking Connie. *throws up* But Michael just called from work and he asked if I wanted him to go and I'm like "YES!" so hopefully he can go...hopefully.
So I'm with stupid people. *smiles and turns head* I'm going to kill myself.
But I'm gonna go...alot more shit to tell but not right now...
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| Another update... |
| 09.16.04 (4:57 pm) [edit] |
Haven't updated in awhile...haven't really commented anyone either...sorry, guys...haven't really had time.
Finally took my camera to school like I promised and got some cool shots of my "peeps". :lol: Want 'em? Put your mouse over the picture to see who they are.
Yeah...so anyway, tommrow's the big Worlds of Fun trip....yay....*sigh* I'm afraid it's gonna go bad. Micheal gave up his ticket for B.J to go and he said he was just gonna buy one for himself. You see, B.J and Robert are my best friends, right? And Micheal's kind of a baby if he dosen't get enough attention so I'm betting if I talk to my friends, even for like 5 secounds, and I don't talk to him, he'll pout like he always does. I seriously hope that doesn't happen. But who knows...it probaly will knowing my luck. lol.
Trying find AIM icons right now. Not really much else to say. Hope you liked the pix. ^_^
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| Sick...(probaly a long update) |
| 09.11.04 (5:11 pm) [edit] |
Today I am sick...but not as sick as yesterday...
ALOT had happened....like, it's not August anymore, for example. lol.
I gave up on Danny a long time ago....I've accepted that he's with Ruby and that he's a "player" or so he thinks he is. At school I see him flirting with girls all the time....kind of makes me sick. But we're still friends, I guess....every morning he comes over to see what's up and I think it's still sweet...then we go to the bus stop and smoke together.
So have I told you guys about Micheal yet? Can't remeber...it's been a long time sense I've updated...but anyway, we're together now. Kind of weird...a jock and I punk....but not as weird as a punk and prep. lol. :lol: He's not so bad. He really loves me...he takes me places, buys me stuff, and says the most sweetest things....he's kind of clingy, though, but I guess that's the punishment that goes with it, eh?
Micheal used to be a druggie, I guess you can say (not as bad a Danny, though). He did weed and he used to smoke...werid...he's really against everything I do when he used to do it. You know I do weed sometimes, pop pills, smoke constantly....it just kind of pisses me off about how much a hippacrite he can be sometimes.
I recently dyed his dirty blonde hair black. :shock: Really stupid. I had a chat with his sister (who I'm very good friends with) and she explained to me that Michael is kind of still confused on who he is. He's been a prep, jock, druggie, skater (hard to imagine)....I feel kind of bad but I'm still thinking don't be who you're not, you know? I mean if only he know how much I hate posers he probaly wouldn't try to be like me.....kind of makeing me mad. It's gonna be really funny when I dye my hair red and black and his mom won't let him.... :twisted: God, I'm a bitch....
Current events time :!: Joy....
Chris and Michael got into a fight.... :shock: Funny, eh?
It all started when Micheal was at my house and Tyler (this little boy I know) came to the door and he's like: "Hey Micheal, someone wants you". So Michael left, stupidly, thinking that it's his mom. 5 minutes later he came back and handed me his jewlery and said "Gonna go fight someone....be right back" and gave me a kiss. I, once again, was sick so I couldn't really go outside at 10:00pm and be all like "Micheal, no!" and I sat there, worried, eating my chicken noodle soup.
When I decided to go pee I could hear voices much like Kolt and Michelle. I come outside and here's Micheal, his eye swollen and bloody and Kolt and his mom standing beside him, Michelle giveing him tips on how to kick Chris and Justin and Eugene's ass and Kolt all freaked out like me.
So that day was fun. Micheal explained that it wasn't Chris who jumped him, I was Justin, a guy I barely knew who went to Platte High with us. Why Justin did that we have no idea....Michael said it was because Chris is Justin's best friend and Justin heard that Michael doesn't like Chris. :roll: Whatever...they're idiots.
Days later, after Micheal vowed to get Chris and everyone back, Micheal called me out of the blue and said "Hey, I'm comeing over" and I'm like "Okay..." knowing that he's up to something. 30 minutes later, while Taneisha, Kolt, and I were walking up the street to my house, we saw a gang of guys walking down the hill above us and Kolt's all freaking out "Is that Micheal? I swear it's him....would be funny if it was him....hey, it's Micheal!" I looked up there and sure enough it was Micheal....and Phil, David, Danny, and a differnt guy named Micheal. It was an awsome sight. I ran up to Micheal and hugged him and I'll all like "What are you doing here?" and he's like "Gonna go beat Chris's ass". The rest was kind of funny, especially when Danny's all like "I gotta go piss" and he went on the side of Chris's house and peed on it. :D God, he's awsome.
So the gist of it was that Chris and Micheal fought in the middle of the street, Chris punched Micheal in the eye (what a pussy) and opened up his previous wound, and Micheal gave Chris a really bloody and swollen lip and alot of cuts on his face where his zits popped. The fight only lasted for like 2 minutes because Eugene came over with a bat and like 2 people called the cops on us...it was great.
Micheal's okay now exept for a blood blister in his right eye, Chris is alright exept for a couple of scratches which Micheal still isn't satisfyed with, Micheal and Chris are kind of friends now ( :shock: ) and Justin and I are friends now....don't ask.
That's pretty much it. Roadrunner's down until Wednesday :evil: so until then we have AOL 9.0. How gay is that? Fucking dial-up....so on Wednesday I should be online more and my AIM, Yahoo, and MSN will work again. Right now they're down because my computer's so god-damn slow.
Once again, today I am sick but not as bad as yesterday. Yesterday Robert, B.J., and I all decided to go see a movie. We screwed around for awhile in the strip mall, kicked over a trash can, got kicked out of Bed Bath and Beyond, went makeup hunting and screwed around with the hair gel and eyeshadow, got some ice cream at Baskin Robins. We had so much fun...we played games, played pranks on random people....so much fun until my neck started hurting. I'm like "It's nothing" then it was my back....but I ignored it. When we got in the theatre I started getting really cold so B.J. gave me his jacket thingy and I used it as a tissue. Then in the middle of the movie my back and my head hurt so bad and I laid my head on B.J.'s shoulder and when I tried to lift it back up it hurt so bad it felt like stone....then I started crying because I hurt so bad and I was so cold. Robert started freaking out and felt me and said I felt REALLY warm.
"Fuck this, dude" he told B.J., "we have to get her home".
So we went downstairs and called Robert's mom to come take us home. B.J. lent me his jacket until Monday and Robert walked me to my door to make sure I wouldn't fall down...again. lol. So after he left I started crying again and I told my mom that I felt like I was dying and she's like "It's just your sinus'....go lay down" so I got pissed and went to bed.
12:00am my mom came up to me and felt me. "God, you're burning up" she said and called Chris into the room.
Chris came in and felt my head. She looked at my mom and said I have a fever of about 101 or 102 degrees. After that my mom felt all guilty and took really good care of me. This morning I woke up and I was all sweaty and so was my bed from where my fever broke but the point is I felt alot better. So right now my head kind of hurts and I can't really eat that much without my stomach feeling really sick. And the suck ass part is I have to drink alot of fluids and my water pipes are broken. :x Gay...
So that's what's up. I'll change the music on Wednesday and I should upload some pix soon....Monday I'm bringing my camera to school. :wink:
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| Shitty day |
| 08.22.04 (7:01 pm) [edit] |
So today blowed...well, not that bad.
I smoked my last 2 cigaretts today and Tom went out and bought me a pack. :D Should last me until next week when I get paid next....
So you know all that shit about Danny? Heh....weird. Yesterday I was crying so hard saying "He's gonna choose Ruby over me" and sure enough today we were walking down the street and he's like "....I have something to tell you". I smiled and said "You can't see me anymore because you're going out with Ruby?". "Yeah....." he said, looking down.
After he told me that I was so down. He walked me home and we sat on the couch with talking for a bit, him talking about stupid shit, trying to ease my pain. It didn't work. At about 5:50pm he said he had to go home because he had to go to church at 6:00pm. So I walked him back, just to linger in the moment. I just looked at the road while he kept apoligizing for being such a jerk. He said he was just lonley and that he does that sometimes. Whatever.....I can't ever belive that....I thought I was in love....being with him and holding his hand made me feel so alive....like I never felt before. But oh well....I guess it wasn't real. People use me, I've relized....but I'm used to it. Danny said that someday we may be together because he says I'd make a good girlfriend....like he'd know. So tommorow's going to suck....I have to see him again.
I have to go...mom's being a bitch...write later...
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| Internet's been down... |
| 08.21.04 (1:50 pm) [edit] |
Sorry I haven't updated in forever. A week ago my mom found 25 viruses on her computer and we had to re-boot it meaning we lost everything, including internet. :x
Alot has happened between my last update. Taneisha has come back...she's been here for a couple of weeks now. The truth is that she ran off to Josh's (Cody's friend) house to get away from Kolt. Her mom told her that she can't hit any of her brothers, especially Kolt. :? Don't ask. So she ran off because Kolt was calling her names and she knew she was going to hit him. But she came back a week later and we also found out that her step-dad Andy took the money and not her. 8) Funny...
I re-downloaded AIM but MSN won't work...it's fucking with me right now so I probaly won't be on for a couple days.
School started on the 17th for me... :) The first day was okay. I met alot of new people and I saw alot of my old friends. Oh! And I re-met this guy named Danny. He and Taneisha have been friends sense like 8th grade so everytime we would walk by his house and he was out there, we'd always say hi. He's really very sweet.
When I saw him on the bus on the first day he was really talking to me...like Robert does. It was really weird...like he understood me.
And then for the rest of the week we got more closer. Then one day on the bus he started flirting with me! Me! A preppy boy flirting with me! I was kind of freaked out at first but then I started flirting back...this guy was really interested in me.
He took my purse in a flirty fashion and I was all like "No" and I went onto his seat and wrestled him for it back. And when he finally gave it up he handed it back to me looking me in the eyes and rubbing my hand. And for the rest of the ride home, while I was back in my own seat, he kicked me in a flirty way. My heart melted and I skipped on my home. It was wonderful. Plus he promised to come over the next day in the morning.
So later that day Taneisha and I were walking to the store and surprisingly we saw Danny outside checking the mail! I called him over to me and we talked for awhile until he went inside to ask his dad if he could walk with us and his dad said "be back in 5 minutes". So we all walked to the store and once we got there Cody, Taneisha's 24-year-old biker boyfriend, was already there so me and Danny went inside so he could go pee. I waited until he came out and the we looking around the store and he bought some ice cream because he had a craving. Then we got outside and talked to Cody for awhile until Taneisha's mom came driving by. Danny and I thought she was in trouble so he's like "Yeah...we're uh...gonna go" and we left and laughed the whole way to his house. The cool thing is that when we got there his dad let me come in! He's really very sweet and so is his step-mom, Debbie, who's in a wheelchair.
After meeting them and Danny eating we went into his room in the basement. :D It was pretty cool...he had crosses and nature pictures all over his walls and he also draws and belive it or not they're really very good. And, of course, he has a lap-top which we listined to music on while he showed me his 2 bass guitars. *drools* All his strings are fucked up though so I'm trying to call Amanda so she can hook him up with some. :wink: Afterwards when I was hungry and wanted to go home he walked me there. I showed him to my room and we sat on my bed talking. Then he held me and looked me in my eyes. I was about to ask "When are you going to kiss me?!" when he suddenly did....alot! lol. It was amazing like nothing I've ever felt before...I think I fell in love with him that night. Then he started to finger me and I was all moaning in his ear and kissing his neck. After that he went home and promised to come over in the morning.
So at 5:50am he came over. I'm the "What the fuck? I just got up 10 minutes ago!". It was funny...he said he's be over at 6:15am. lol. But he sat there while I got dressed in the other room and at 6:00am I was done. Then we got frisky again. I sat on his lap while he massaged my back and my hips. I was kissing his neck and biting his ear when he picked me up and put me on the floor. Then he got on top of me and started kissing me and fingering me again. It was amazing...then we dry fucked. lol. I don't think he's ready to do it the "real" way yet...I don't wanna pressure him at all so I'll wait until he makes the first move.
Today sucked, though, because I didn't see him at all because he was with Ruby. You see, Ruby is supposed to be his girlfriend and he's playing her, I guess, with me. I'm kind of okay with it as long as he doesn't ever leave me for her. I've been crying all day and worrying about it.
So anyway...that's Danny. So when I find my webcam I'll take some pix.
We picked up Robert today. We hung out for awhile until he mom came to pick him up like an hour ago. :( We went to Laine's house for awhile and Laine told me to come over there tonight at 1:00am. *drools* I probaly will...dunno yet. Then we saw Casey and decided to go see if Danny was home yet and he wasn't. Then Casey went to Cody's and Robert wanted to go to so we hung out with Cody for awhile. We walked around the park for a bit until Robert had to go back to my house to wait for his mom and I told Cody I was expecting him to fuck me soon sense I bought him a pack of cigaretts and that was the deal. So he said he would but tonight was my night with Laine so he understood and gave me a kiss. :) What a sweetheart.
Haven't talked to Amanda for awhile. :( Actually sense I last updated....she's been really busy I guess. *frowns* Hopefully she's off tommorow...
All there is....give you some more news later...
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| High as fuck.... |
| 08.12.04 (8:09 pm) [edit] |
I just got home...I was with Amanda sense like...2:00pm? We went like a shitload of places...tanning, shopping + trading place, Starbucks, and Joe's house and drank some Bacardi Rum, I belive. I got some new cigaretts today (wanted to try them): Marlboro Menthol....they're not that bad....taste like mint. lol.
After word we went to World Liquor and bought some Jack Daniels Fruit Punk liquor. I drank like 2 when I was with Taneisha and didn't feel and inch drunk but when I was with Amanda today I got fucking drunk. Dunno why, though...I guess it was because I drank it so fast.... :? I still have a buzz...I keep eating, though, so it's waring off. :D I felt like I was going to throw up awhile ago when I drank like 2 bottles but I feel a whole lot better now.
Amanda has to work tommorow but Sunday she's off so I think we'll hang out then...
That's my update. Can't really type right now...a little fucked up, you know?
Hope you like my music!!! I do! lol. It's from Inuyasha, if you guys dunno. If you haven't seen that show you may not understand...
I'll take some more pix soon...know how much you guys love them. lol.
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| so fucking annoying... |
| 08.10.04 (5:58 pm) [edit] |
I'm so frusterated right now. EVERYTHING is pissing me off. The dogs are in the next room barking because of the cat under the bed, my dad keeps calling and keeps asking "what's wrong", Connie won't leave me the fuck alone because she's too stupid to tell when someone wants to be alone, this computer won't cooperate with me, and Taneisha fucking ran off again!!! :x I'm so frusterated I'm going to cry.
Last night I was outside smokeing and I was on the phone with Robert when Casey came by. "Where's my sister?" she asked.
"What do you mean...?" I replied
"She's fucking missing...again! I thought you'd know where she was"
Then Casey explained to me that the night before Taneisha took $175 from her parents and ran away, saying that she was going to Sturges to be with her boyfriend, Cody, who's she's been going out with for like a week. She didn't even fucking come over and say goodbye and she claims she's my best friend. I'm so pissed off. When she comes back, and you know she will, Casey and I are both beating her ass. Casey JUST got a job and when she gets her first pay~check on Friday, she has to give it all to her family because of Taneisha's stupid ass. I should have known not to get involved with her....what a retard.
I'm running out of cigaretts. I only have 9 left which means on Thursday I'm going to have to get Amanda to buy me some more. I like these new ones: Marlboro Menthol. Laine got me hooked on them...they're way expensive over here so when I get packs of these it'll be like a treat for me.
Speaking of Laine, he's not pissed after all. I hung out with Heather a few days ago and she explained what he was really feeling and he's not pissed. I guess he was just being Laine that night he walked off. :? Whatever...at least he's not pissed.
Haven't talked to Chris in awhile and I seriously don't want to...just looking at him makes me sick. I think that night I updated my blog last he called. Chris answerd and gave the phone to me and I could tell it was Chris's voice when he said "Uh....wrong number" and I said "You bet it is!" and hung up. What an asshole. I hope he doesn't exept to come back to me.
I guess that's it. Just wanted to vent, I guess. Write later....
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| Happy Birthday to...me... |
| 08.07.04 (9:14 pm) [edit] |
Wassssup? :lol: My new phrase...or it has been for a few days...
So...happy birthday to me! lol. I got some comments from people (like Matt) so thanx for that, you guys. :D For my birthday I got a $150 gift card for Hot Topic, $30 gift card for TCBY, Grand Teft Auto: Vice City and III, a new X-box game controller, $20 Hot Topic gift card, God Forbid sticker, Lacuna Coil CD, and a Lacuna Coil sticker, not to metion my cards. :D
Yesterday we had a party, even though it wan't my birthday. I suppose it was the only day my family could make it. I got tons of pix.
Yeah...I look like crap in most of the pictures because I'm not wearing any makeup...decided no point only because my friends and family were going to be there. :?
So today kind of sucked....Taneisha spent the night last night after the party and we stayed up until 2:00am watching dirt bike racing. *yay* So of course I'm tired but Taneisha wants to get up at noon *bitch* and I didn't. So she got pissed and went home as I slept until 2:00pm when my mom freaked out and woke me up, saying the girl kittie was in a coma. :shock: So I freaked out and went with her, Chris, Shauna, and Micheal to the vet. There we found out that she has fleas and tapeworms. The doctor said he was surprised she was even still alive. :( But the point she is and we got rid of the fleas. Now we have to get the boy's fleas off him... :x
After we got home Robert called and asked if we were ever going to Hot Topic and my mom said she wanted to get it out of the way so she picked Robert up and took us. There I gave Robert my $20 gift card to pay for his brithday present I never got him...he bought a Breaking Benjamin CD. :roll: lol. I got a pair of pants, a skirt, some sex braclets, a "there's an evil monkey in my closet" shirt, a Sugarcult shirt, some new barbells for my eyebrow (the right size this time), and some new socks. Everything's awsome. I'm thinking of takeing pix and I maybe post them tommrow. I wanna wait and get some pix of Taneisha and Heather and stuff tommorow, sense I have nothing better to do.
And surprisingly Taneisha and Heather came over today when I got home to say Happy Birthday. :shock: Heather came over and gave me a fucking hug! *is scared* I thought she hated me. They both told me they'd come over tommrow after church. *throws up* I'm kind of happy to be home alone tonight. Heh...
The day before yesterday (Friday) I stayed out until 10:00pm with Taneisha and we went up to Misty's house to find out if we could go to Sonic. On the way there I decided that maybe I wanted to get drunk so I made Misty buy me some liquor and cigarettes. Sadly, it was my money. lol.
So that night Taneisha spent the night and we both got a little drunk. I had a huge bottle of Smirnoff Ice to myself and I also drank 2 bottles of Jack Daniel's fruit punch cocktails. I didn't get drunk until I went outside and had 2 cigaretts and had a sip of Smirnoff after every hit. 8) It was awsome. That day I broke up with Chris (again) because I couldn't stand the shit he was doing and how he was ignoreing me. :( So I decided to give him up...I'm not missing anything special. Oh well...so that night I was depressed and needed to drink...badly.
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| Short entry and review |
| 08.04.04 (8:54 pm) [edit] |
So like...hey. Feeling a little bit better today. I woke up with a migrane as did Robert. He called me when he woke up at like 4:00pm. Weird...I guess he's really that depressed and sick... :shock: His mom was being a bitch today and didn't take him here to see anyone so I just got to talk to him on the phone. :(
Tommorow I'm to spend the day with him and hopefully Robert can come with us. He's supposed to take me to Olive Garden and then I'm going to try to get him to take me to Hot Topic.
Today I recived my birthday present from my grandma. It came in a package which I tried to open from the moment I got it but my mom was skeptical at first but she eventually let me open it. Inside were my favourite body scents (vanilla shower gel, lotion, and bubble bath), a Hot Topic gift card for $150.00, a TCBY gift card for $30.00, and $50.00. I'm so excited! I so wanna go shopping tommrow!!! :D I want Robert to go so we can spend my money together there...it'll be so much fun!! I suppose people do love me after all...or so I relize it one I've taken my medicine or have had a cigarette in my system. Too bad I can't smoke around my dad tommorow... :x Ah!
So that's it...I wanted to review people today for everyone who's confused...put your mouse over their picture to find out their name...
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| Robert's Home!!! |
| 08.03.04 (7:35 pm) [edit] |
Yay!!! Robert's home!!! :D I'm so happy! He came home yesterday. I called him when I was in the car at my mom's tupperware party and his mom answerd and she's all "Hey, Lauren!!! We're home!" and then she gave the phone to Robert. He seemed quite happy...but then he had to go when the signal in his phone faded out.
So when my mom's tuperware party was over we headed home and Connie called on the cell phone, asking where we were and when we would be home. We were about 5 minutes away. So when we arrived Connie was just pulling out of the drive and I was kind of "moody" like usual so I went straight to my room. I started talking to myself and all of a sudden a body popped up out of my bed...it was Robert!!! I fucking screamed so loud...he pulled me on the bed with him and hugged while we both laughed. I missed him so much.
So last night he spent the night...we stayed up until 5:00am...scary... :? We made movies (I'll show them to you when I get them uploaded) and we outside and walked around. At about 2:00am we decided to go see Laine... :? Odd enough he was awake. So we hung out for awhile then Laine wanted to go to the park to go fuck. Robert was all pissy a went off and sat on the slide when Laine and I sat on the steps of this abondoned house. And started getting on top of me and kept kissing me. He wanted to fuck so bad but I kept saying no. Then I brought Chris up and how we were still supposed to be together...Laine kind of shrugged it off. Then Robert decided to go home because the bugs were getting to him. It was REALLY dark outside and I didn't want him going alone so I'm like "Dude...Laine, get off me" and he got all pissed off and went straight home. I followed him and I'm like "What the fuck? What are you doing...don't you wanna go get Robert?" He's like "What's the point?!". I got all scared and started half-crying...I'm like "What's your problem?!" He just stared and walked off. I still dunno what I did...but the point is I was strong and resisted Laine, even though I wanted him REALLY bad. I resisted him because I really do love Chris and I don't want to hurt him again...
Today kind of sucked, to. Robert and I woke up at 2:00pm and sat and watched tv and ate for a bit. Then we decided to go outside and go see Laine and on our way Kolt caught up with us and asked if I had any cigarettes. I said no and he said if I had any money he'd go get Misty to buy me some as long as he go a pack. So I gave him $8 to go get 2 packs and he came back with the expensive shit so I only got a $1 back. :x But that's cool, I guess. I get like $5 more Thursday...so...*shrugs* At least I got cigaretts! lol. I smoked 7 today because I was so stressed and sad because of Laine and Chris and shit.
After I got my cigaretts we hung out with Cody and then we went up to Laine's to see if Laine was there. And of course he was sleeping. So it was hot outside so Cody went home and Robert and I went to my house to watch tv for awhile until it cooled off or something. An hour later we went to go find Laine but Kolt came up to us and told us Laine was up the hill w/ Cody and Chris. So we all hung out for awhile, Laine and everyone else ignoreing me, makeing smoke a shitload more of cigaretts. :( I fucking hate it when people ignore me. So I got pissed and went home and Robert followed and we had some sub sandwhiches from Mr. Goodcents. :)
So the fucked up part is Laine was makeing "whore" and "tramp" comments about me today, Cody wouldn't associate with me like he did earlier today because he was with his friends I guess, and Chris didn't even look at me the whole day. What I did, I dunno. :cry: It's fucked up...
Robert went to Cody's for awhile after we ate. His mom's on her way to pick him up now. Right now they're staying at his mom's friend's house because they got evicted from the Unicorn Apartments in Ferrelview. But tommorow he'll be back, hopefully.
I'm depressed now so I'm gonna go take a shower. Here are the pix Robert and I took yesterday.
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| Take away the pain.... |
| 07.31.04 (12:07 am) [edit] |
I hate complaining but I suppose a journal such as this is a good place. And the thing I really hate is how people, such as Robert, tell me I don't have shit to complain about because I have friends and blah, blah, blah. That right there disturbs me...no one understands...no one. No one feels the pain I do...I suppose it's from lack of attention from my so called friends. It makes me think they don't care...actually, I know they don't care. My only true friend is Robert. Every day he calls to check up on me...not even my boyfriend does that.
I need out. Of what I don't know yet...I just need out of this place...this way I feel. I need help though I'm in denial. No one listins...nothing helps...not even my medicine helps anymore. I suppose I'm just severly depressed. I hide it very well...or so I'm told.
I met a guy today, Chad. He's exactly like me, with the whole depression shit. And the cool thing is he actually killed someone which is something I could see myself doing but couldn't do it. It's too risky...
When I called Chad we talked for awhile. I was all perky as usual...sets off a bad mood, I think. I wanna be myself but I can't. I wanna be like Laine and Robert...they show their true expression...why can't I? It's not fair...I try so hard to be myself but I always end up all perky around people I don't know. Then when I get to know them I become this depressed bitch who hates everyone and everything and they get all weird on me, acting like they don't know me...like they're surprised. I come off perky, but inside I'm full of hate and sadness. I wish I could show it...but I can't until the end...when it's too late to save anything...
So where are you, my friends? Now that I'm in need...? I lay and cry and sleep for hours because you're all gone...I find things I used to love pointless...can no one hear me? Can no one hear my cry for help? I need love...and no one offers it. My boyfriend used to...but now he's too busy with his friends then to bother with me. I want to belive it's not true but I know it is. I sit here in denial and say "Oh, he's just a boy" but I can't forever...but I suppose there is love way down somewhere in his heart. No one would ever take me back for cheating on them...twice! Chris has to love me...he has to. I just wish I would relize it. I suppose I'm just too clingy to notice...I want to hold on to him and have him to myself but I also have to relize he has a life....I do love him...I do....
I feel sick. My hair is black and I'm re-dyeing it black tommorow...and I look at everyone else with their wicked bright coloured hair and I just feel sick...why did I do this? Why didn't I keep my hair that lovely pink? :x But I suppose I shall put red streaks in my hair the next time I'm at Walmart...it'll be okay...right?
:(
*sigh* I just need love...I honestly think it would make my anger dissolve and leave forever...but no one offers it...and when Chris does every so often I cling to it and hold on to it, thinking it will never decive me...but then it turns around and leaves again. Why does this keep happening to me? Why does God punish me...I dream of Chris, I smell Chris on everything, I can even taste him sometimes...and I hear our songs and they make me cry...and no one understands. To me while he's gone it's torture...he won't even be home for up to 3 or 4 days and I never get to talk to him because he never calls...never comes to see me...why? Am I just that gross? I want a fucking explanation...why does he do this to me? That and my family makes me angry and suicidal...I get no love...I suppose that's it...yes, that has to be it...but Chris and I...it's not like it's over, right? I still have him........don't I? Someone kill me...
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| Suck ass day |
| 07.28.04 (4:10 pm) [edit] |
I haven't written in awhile...sorry. I've been really depressed lately and I found no reason to write.
Went to Warped Tour on Monday with Amanda. It was cool. We got there at 4:00pm, though, so we missed some good bands. :cry: I wish I would have taken my camera, to...I forgot. And I feel bad because Robert wanted pictures. Sorry...
I did take some after pix today, though, of the shit I got.
It was just me and Amanda at the Warped Tour. Before hand we went to the Little Store and bought some liquor (Bacardi Rum) and drank some before we went into the stadium concert thingy. Then we walked around for a bit in the sun and then went into the bathroom to drink some more when we were bord. After that we walked to the lawn part and smoked a few cigarettes until 6:30pm when Yellowcard was supposed to play. So we sat there for awhile and when we decided to go back we asked somebody what time it was and they said 7:10pm. We were shocked...we missed Yellowcard! :x But it wasn't that bad because we got to see Simple Plan and I got noticed by the lead singer because I was jumping up and down and shit. lol. It was funny.
So...my mom's a bitch today...it's fucked up because I didn't do shit to her. She just left and she's like "I'm going to Platte City!" and took off.
And yesterday I talked to Chris and we made plans for him to come over today at 12:00pm and he never showed up. I was all pissed and called him at 3:00pm and Eugene said he was with Kolt. :o Wtf? He's never with Kolt...must be desperate sense Taneisha and Cody are both gone... :? Whatever.
So Taneisha moved without saying shit to me...and she say's she's my best friend! I knew it was shit when she said it to me. Bitch...Chris told me she moved in with Casey's baby's daddy. Makes no sense why she would move in with him but oh well...she's fucked up in the head.
And Cody's in Iowa with his dad I guess...so I bed Chris is all lonely...heh. I severly hate Cody right now...he keeps taking Chris away from me...and I suppose Chris would rather hang out with him... :roll: Whatever...
I just took like 4 of those little pills that make you high...I forgot the name of them but they're bad-ass. I can't feel my body and I'm kind of happy about it. I don't give a fuck at anything right now...I'm so fucking depressed. I want to get drunk tonight and forget everything...everything and everyone who's pissing me off.
I'm in a house full of screeching kittens, 2 annoying dogs, and people yelling. I'm so tired of it all. I just want to scream and crawl into a dark corner. No one understands what I'm going through...even I don't. I don't know why I feel like this...I'm so angry and sad...I just want to die. It feels like no one cares...and Connie rubs shit in and acts like a fucking 2 year old all the time. I just wish these people would act their age...especially David. I just want to be alone...just for a little bit.
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| *dies* |
| 07.22.04 (1:32 pm) [edit] |
So I finally update after my long time of no updates. We had a leak in the air conditioner so there was no air for like...3 days? :( So I update today.
Heh...Eugene's back. :shock: I'm going to kill him. :D No...seriously. Yesterday I FINALLY saw Chris after me crying on the phone to him about never seeing him. My mom and I were on our way to go to Winnie's house to spend the night so we'd have air. On our way home to pick up the dogs we saw Chris and apperently he saw us to because he walked up to the house and sat down as I loaded the dogs in the car. Then I sat down next to him and we talked while my mom was in the house, packing. He flirted, made me feel better about myself, and kissed me a couple of times. I'm so in love with him. :oops: It's fucking gay, though, because Taneisha keeps telling people we're going out. :x I'm going to fucking kill her. I had to try to convince Cody a thousand times that we're not going out. It's fucking hard with this whole secret shit.
Cool news is Eugene's leaving on Sunday! :D So hopefully I can spend the day with Chris Monday. ^_^
I dyed my hair black today. It's fucked up. It looks a little darker but the purple's still there. :x I'll take a pic tommrow and let you guys tell me what you think.
My mom's on her way to pick me up to go tour this house in Smithville she wants to live in. :roll: I doubt we're moveing any time soon...Robert and Chris are worried, though... :?
After that she wants to go to St. Joe...hopefully I can get something pierced there. :( It sux only haveing my eyebrow and ears pierced. :x
I talked to Amanda yesterday and asked her to take me to a tanning bed. She said she would and asked if I still wanted to go to Warped Tour. It's Monday!!! I'm so excited! She said she didn't want to go in the afternoon, though, because it's too hot. I hope I don't miss any of the "good bands", though. :shock: lol.
My mom argues I can't go to a tanning bed, though. It's fucking gay because I'm paler than the fucking moon. :x I hate being this pale...I get made fun of...alot. My mom doesn't understand though...she said she likes her children pale. :? I don't get it...
I haven't seen Taneisha forever...oh well...she's stupid anyway and I don't need her stupid~ness rubbing off on me. :wink:
Alright...so...my mom just called and she's on her way. Write later...enjoy my lovely blinkie! :lol:
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| lmao...this is so stupid.... |
| 07.18.04 (5:40 pm) [edit] |
I jacked this from my dagamer's blog ...heh... :D IT's kind of retarded but fun...
(my "real" blog is below)
1. Take your blog username or your real name and replace each letter with the corresponding number (A=1, B=2, etc...). If your name contains numbers, you'll need to convert them to letters first before you can convert to numbers.
Since I'm doing this here on tblog, rather than on LJ, I'll use the name I post under on this weblog
malfoygirl = 13 1 12 6 15 25 7 9 12
2. Add all of the numbers together to create a kind of super number.
100
3. Make a note of the first digit of this number, then add the digits of the number together.
First digit is 1.
1 + 0 + 0 = 1
4. Find the post of this number in your blog archives. If you don't have that many posts, add the digits together again. Keep doing so until the number is smaller than your pathetic number of posts.
My 13th (archived) post was "Yay! Sex" http://www.tblog.com/template... , posted on Saturday 06.05.04 [4:30 am]
5. Take the digit you noted in step 3, and count that many words into the post.
Chris
6. Use the resulting word in a Google Image Search and select a picture from the first page.
7. Post the results for us all to see. If you take this to your blog.. make sure you let me know what picture or image you came up with
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| Bullshit... |
| 07.18.04 (4:29 pm) [edit] |
I added like 4 or 5 new fanlistings...and I found some rock blinkies on my friends website and decided to get some of my own. :wink: Right now I'm in the process of makeing my own "Lauren" blinkie like on my website. :D
I woke up today at 1:30pm, 30 minutes earlier than yesterday. I felt like shit so I sat around all day watching tv until I decided to call Chris and see what he's up to. He's not home...I called like twice. :x Plus I just saw him and Cody go into the woods like 10 minutes ago to get high...*frowns*. I hate it when Chris is high...he's so quiet...but...*sigh*...if that's what I have to deal w/, so be it. Tommrow Eugene's supposed to be gone so I guess I'll go over there at 11:00am to get some dick. lol. And to spend time with my loveing boyfriend, of course. :D I just have to call him before I go to bed to make sure that's the right time to come over.
I WOULD call Taneisha but she totally ditched me...dunno why. I haven't seen her sense yesterday...I'm surprised she even talked to me on the phone yesterday! My mom and I were off to look at houses at like 4:00pm and I called Taneisha to ask if she wanted to go and she blew me off for Hannah...HANNAH!!! She fucking knows how much I hate that bitch. And to go to Hot Topic. Like they even fucking shop there! They're just going to "look around". Fucking posers.... :roll:
So I would call her but she's probaly not even home, that bitch. Oh well...who needs her.
I haven't smoked in like 2 days...it's pissing me off because the only time I smoke is when I'm outside and I don't go outside by myself...ever. So without Taneisha I'm stuck in the fucking house...so I guess I'll have to go outside and smoke tonight. *sigh* I hate sneaking out. :x And to top it off, I only have like 6 ciggaretts so I need Casey to buy me some more. :x
Uploaded some pix today..they're like 5 days old, though. But I FINALLY got the spider pix for Robert. :D
Heh...out house is a zoo and I LOVE my animals! :D Seana and Tess are my pride and joy.... :D
Okay...off to make my blinkie...tell me what you guys think when I'm done...
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| Can't take this.... |
| 07.17.04 (6:52 pm) [edit] |
:x I...am...in...a...house...of...STUPID...people!!! :x Connie hasn't been on her medicine for god knows how long and David...well he's just plain stupid. Robert doesn't even know him and he hates David. :twisted:
Alot of shit has been going on lately that's makeing me frusturated and makeing me cry. :? Start from square one?
Chris and I secretly got back together. Thursday I called him because it was his b-day (7/15/04), even though we were still fighting. When I called we had a nice chat until he brought up me cheating on him with Laine. :oops: I cried for 2 hours staight and every time I started crying he calmed me down by saying it was okay. Finally he said "....I...I love you....". I was shocked. How could he still possibly love me...how could he even talk to me? I guess that one of the reasons I cheated on him was to also test his love for me. Now I know he really does love me or else he wouldn't put up with me. So that day we got back together, although no one knows exept for Taniesha and Robert. It suxs because he wants to keep it a secret. You see, no one will understand (not even me) why we're going out again so we're keeping on "the down low" until things cool off with everybody else. :D But, he's my baby again. I also made him a cake yesterday and belive it or not he actually came over to eat it and spend time with me. Everday he tells me he loves me...I can't belive I did that shit to him. :( But the point is, he's my baby and we love each other. ^_^
Eugene's leaving on Sunday!!! :D I'm so happy!!! He's going back to Job Corp because his summer is over. ^_^ Taneisha not very happy, though. So that means sense his mom leaves for work at 11:00am, I can start going over there again to spend time with him. I can only stay there until 2:00pm, though because that's when his sister comes home. :x So that's like 2 hours together but I don't care...as long as I can spend time with him! :D
The whole band thing is working out well. Some guy e-mailed me about joining. I'm so happy! :D
I have yet to call Emily and Keri, though. Emily won't answer her phone and I haven't called Keri... :lol: ...heh....
Robert's comeing home soon. :D August 2nd, we think. So he'll be here in time for my b-day!!! :D We're going shopping together. I LOVE Robert...he's like the best friend you could ever have. We share everything together... :D He's awsome...
Some fucked up shit happened yesterday. Last night we all planned to get drunk but I can't stay out after dark, which really blows, so I couldn't get drunk. :x So instead I gave Taneisha my $30 to go give her sister to get liquor and ciggaretts and I, sadly, I never got either. So Casey called today and she's like "Did you get your shit?" and I'm like "...no". She explained that she put it by my back door so I looked EVERYWHERE and it wasn't there. :x She also said some little kids were outside so they may have taken it. So it means that my ciggaretts, vodka, and $10 were all stolen by little 12 year olds. :? How fucked up is that? So I cried to my mom and told her I gave to the $30 to Taeisha to pay her bills and she gave me $10 extra dollers. So I can get some liquor and ciggaretts tommorow, I guess. :? Oh well...
So that's my life so far...comments?
Btw, I tried uploading those spider pictures I promised Robert but Photobucket's being a bitch...
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| breakup...heh... |
| 07.14.04 (8:50 pm) [edit] |
Sorry I haven't updated in a long ass time. Alot of shit has been going on lately. I'll start from the beginning, I guess.
Friday Taneisha, Amanda, and I all went to a rave. It was pretty cool after we all got drunk. Amanda bought a shitload of beer and a bottle of Bacardi Rum because she decided, because it was so hot, that the only way we would have fun is if we all got drunk. :lol: So we did and we had a great time. I finally learned how to dance with glow sticks. lol! Here's a pic of us that somebody took of us at the rave.
Amanda gave me some rave pix, 2.
The guy above there with Amanda told her that he thought I was hot and that he wanted to hook up. She told us both "Sorry...but...jail-bait!". lol. :lol:
So on "other" news, Chris found out I cheated on him and broke up with me. :( That sux but then again it's kind of cool. I can be with more than one guy now (and get away with it) and I'm not known as "That chick dateing Chris" now. :D For a few days after he broke up with me he wouldn't even look at me. But today he called and we talked...he knows why I did it now...and he said the only way he'll forgive me is if I let him fuck me in the ass. lol. I'm thinking about it...
You guys still dunno why I cheated on him...or with who. lol. I guess now I call say because I'm not so guilty anymore...
Well it all started with Taneisha...you know how she has that HUGE ass crush on Cody? Well she invited him over and who else would come with him than Laine.
Well, Cody pissed off Taneisha by flirting and hanging all over me and not her so she tried to kill herself that night by over dosing on pills because she's a HUGE drama queen. :roll:
Later that night Cody and Laine told me they would be over later at 1:00am when Taneisha was asleep. I doubted that but sure enough they came over. Taneisha was asleep but I woke her up when I opened the window to sneak out. So she found out our plan of me trying to sneak off with them and tried killing herself once again. So I said "Fuck it...I'm staying here with her" and sense Cody and Laine didn't want to go home, they came inside. Taneisha calmed down about an hour later because I guess the presence of Cody was soothing to her. She FINALLY fell asleep and Cody tried getting in my pants. :x I pushed him away because I really don't like him like that as much as I used to. So he got pissed and went home but Laine stayed because...well...he's a better friend! lol. j/k.
After awhile one thing led to another and Laine and I ended up screwing on the floor. He promised not to tell anyone as long as I didn't. But I couldn't keep it away from Taneisha because, next to Robert, she's my best friend... :? So I told her and made her promise not to tell Chris. At first she was kind of pissed but then she cooled off and promised not to tell anyone.
...days passed and Chris hadn't found out so, stupid me, I thought I could do it again.
A few days later Cody and Laine came over again and we decided to sneak off to the park and have a 3-some. Didn't quite work out that way. First we went to the Unicorn Apartments near the trailor park and tried to fuck in the laundry room. It was too loud so we went to the park. As soon as we got there, Cody relized he left his hat in the laundry room so he went back. While he was gone Laine and I fucked until we saw Cody had returned. Then Laine went home really quick to light his ciggrette on his stove because he didn't have a lighter. Cody and I planned to have sex but I guess he was too stoned and it wouldn't "go up". lol. So I gave him head 3 times that night and I would stay up for about 2 minutes and we never could get it in. :x So we said "screw it!". So...that's what happened. :oops: Chris never found out about the Cody part...only the Laine part. Taneisha and nobody else knows about the park but apperntly Taneisha told Casey (her sister) about Laine and I suppose she told Chris. The sad part is she didn't know not to tell him. :evil:
Chris confronted Laine and Laine's fucked up exuse was "She said she broke up with you!" when I never did. :x
So that's what happened...I still can't belive Chris even wants to talk to me after what I did...I feel horrible. :cry:
Everything's fucked up. A few days ago I was getting attention from Cody, Chris, Laine, and a few other guys. Now Chris only wants to talk and fuck me in the ass, I haven't seen Cody sense the night we "half-fucked", and Laine won't talk to me like he used to. Cody's been gone at his friend's house and just got back yesterday. Taneisha told me that her, Casey, Eugene, Cody, Ryan, and Jessica all went out cruising last night and Cody was hitting on her. I HIGHLY doubt that shit. She thinks every guy likes her...even Chris and Laine when that talk shit about her behind her back and even in her face. She's so fucking retarded!!! :roll: Then today she's like "I don't know what to do! Eugene and Cody both like me...I don't know who to pick!". I'm like "You're fucking retarded...you know they're just useing you, right" and she's like "....nu-uh...". :roll: It's pissing me off about how retarded she's acting and how she can be such a drama queen. Because if she sleeps with either one of those guys, they're just going to leave her. For someone like me, I could handle it because I can understand that guys do that...shit, I do that. But she dosen't understand that...she can't fucking comprehend it so she tries to kill herself.
An example of her being a drama queen: today she came over crying because her sister Casey is moveing out. I mean, I understand the moveing out part but she's only move like 4 trailors away! She'll still see her 24/7! How fucking retarded is that? God, I wanna kill her right now... :x
So I'm switching to drugs...I can't take this shit anymore. She and the whole world are pissing me off. I hate everyone right now because of the way they're treating me. The whole reason I cheated on Chris was being he was ignoreing me. So I did have a reason...it wasn't just for kicks! The whole world's being a bitch. Fuck this....
I uploaded some pix, if anyone cares...
Btw, Laine's sister, Jessica, came over with a box of kittens a week old and Connie just couldn't refuse them because she's a HUGE cat fan. So we took them in. They're not so bad, I guess. The only time they're annoying is when they're awake and they meow loud as fuck. :evil:
I need some more friends...I've decided to broden my horizon with people. I've gotten back together with Mary and today I met some chick named Emily at the tupper-wear party I went to.
The three of us are trying to start a rock band. Not doing very good, though. Mary can't play shit, Emily plays guitar, and I play drums and I can do vocals. :x Dunno what we're doing. lol. Any advice?
So that's my life so far...
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| Chris and Stuff... |
| 07.08.04 (5:44 pm) [edit] |
I'm sorry I haven't updated in like forever. David's moveing in and we had to clear out the computer room so it'll be his room.
So for the past few days we haven't been able to get online because someone fucked the line up when we moved the computer. :x And I JUST found the cord to my camera so I uploaded some new pix...and FINALLY i got some of Chris...
Cool, eh?
I changed the music back to Slipknot. I hope that's cool. I was trying despretly to find Courtney Love ~ Mono. :( I couldn't find it.
Today, Tuesday, and Monday I spent the day with Chris. We've bonded so much I HATE being alone and without him... :cry: He's out somewhere getting high. Tenisha's out trying to find him and bring him here. But it doesn't matter...I'm seeing him later tonight, hopefully. Tenisha spent the night yesterday...we had fun. She tried to kill herself because Cody's been being a bitch to her. He's ignoreing her and paying attention to me. :x I wish he could see I don't like him like that.
Laine and I are friends again!!! :D Yesterday Tenisha and I were walking and Cody and Laine caught up with us and we all went to the park, then the Little Store (a gas station). Laine got kicked out of that store and sense he couldn't go inside and felt bad and stayed outside with him and he asked why I hated him. I was kind of weirded out...I'm like "I don't hate you". He's like "Then why do you keep running away from me when I come near you?". I felt REALLY bad. It was true...I did run away from him. But it was only because of the whole sex fight thing where I said that we did have sex and he argued we didn't. :x When I told him that he shrugged and was all like "Well, it's over now". So after that, somehow we became friends. :D
He's pretty sweet once you get to know him. Yesterday all the feelings came back when I was hanging out with him...I just didn't want him to go when night came and we were still together. And I feel so guilty because I have a boyfriend who I love very, very much... :( I can't say all that I did with Laine yesterday because I'll feel way too guilty...I may be able to say it tommorow or when I get over it... :?
Tenisha wants to take off to the Little Store right now and she's bugging the shit out of me. Write tommorow?
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| ...birthdays...*throws up* |
| 07.03.04 (2:21 pm) [edit] |
I'm so lost...Chris's b-day's comeing up and I still dunno what to get him. I WOULD make him a cake if I knew what kind to make and if he'd really eat it. I talked to him yesterday for awhile until he HAD to go and now I'm trying to call him again to figure this shit out but he's not home...he's with Cody. :roll:
My mom REALLY wants to buy a house. I used to argue but now I'm cool with it because for a few reasons...1. When Robert gets back home he won't be going to the apartments in Ferrelview because he got evicted, 2. Chris won't come over to see me anymore, 3. Cody's moveing pretty soon so I won't see him, 4. I don't really have any friends here but Cody, Robert, and Chris. My mom's so set on moveing she wants to spend the night in St. Jo tonight. I'm kind of freaking on this one, though. She HATES St. Jo and she wants to spend the night after all of the shit she said about it. :x I guess it's just Connie being a bitch again. (surprise)
Oh! She's home, btw. *joy* She's been a bitch sense she's got here. And it pisses me off because I can't go outside and smoke anymore with her here because she'll make a big fucking deal about it. :evil: I have to do it in the morning before she wakes up.
I haven't seen David in awhile. Tina's been trying to kick him out and he wants to live here! :shock: He's so fucking annoying! I mean, he trashes the place, he's border line retarded which means he can't do anything right, and he eats all of our fucking food. I HATE HIM!!! :x I think we all do and that's why Tina's trying to kick him out. Stupid bitch...she can't just fucking hoiste her problems on us....ah! :evil: It gets me so frustrated!
The last time I saw David was last night and he left at like 11:00pm...dunno where he went, though.... :? I guess becasue he knew Connie was comeing home he had to leave. Who wouldn't...?
Yesterday was our early 4th Of July. My mom and I celebrated it at Winnie's house. She's pretty cool for an old chick. :D lol. Megan and Christopher where there. Winnie, Megan, and my mom all work at the same place. Christoper is Megan's husband. I brought my camera because Winnie lives on a farm and I LOVE cows. So here are some pix...
I think Christopher is rather handsome, don't you think? :oops: Too bad he's married w/ 2 kids, eh? lol. j/k!
I also saw a quiz and stole it from my friend's blog...lol.
Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You? quiz.
Heh...moo...
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| Moo...quick update... |
| 07.01.04 (7:28 pm) [edit] |
Heh...I have to make this quick...talking to Robert, to, so it's not that easy to concentrate... :?
Uploaded some pix today...I got batteries!! :!:
Cool, eh?
Eeek! Robert's b-day is on the 12th and Chris's is on the 16th. *dies* I still don't have anything for anyone exept for my picture for Chris... :x
Cody stopped our car last night on our way home from Hollywood Video. He was all bitching and shit and I was asking him about Chris and he's like "Yeah...Chris has been with other people and I don't think he even considers you a girlfriend...sorry"
So I call Chris up all pissed and told him what Cody said. He was silent for awhile when I said I kind of belived Cody. Then he got really pissed and was all like "How could you belive Cody?!" and shit. It was kind of scary...he's like "I would never cheat on you!" and on and on. So I belive Chris now beause even my mom said that last night he was acting weird like he was high or something. :? Whatever...the point is today Chris was supposed to come over at 1:00pm. He didn't so at 1:30pm I called and he was kind of busy because his mom was still there. He said he'd come over at 4:00pm or 5:00pm instead and told me he loved me. So the bad part is at 4:30pm my mom came to pick me up and take me to Zona Rosa where Hot Topic is and I never knew if Chris had come over or not. :x Sux....he's not even home right now, either. Out somewhere shooting fireworks, I guess. Oh well...see him tommrow, I hope. *depressed* I have to get him a present...fast...
Also, added some new fanlistings and udated my profile...(getting kind of old)
Hope you guys enjoyed my pix...leave a comment, I guess...
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| Addicted... |
| 06.30.04 (12:36 pm) [edit] |
Yay! I have a new t-friend. darknessfalls99 Neat! :lol:
Sorry I haven't written in awhile...the last couple of days I was w/ Keri. :D I spent the night there on Monday after baby sitting class. Yesterday we went into town in Weston and I met some of her friends: Daniel and Micheal. Micheal's pretty cool. His grandma bought us both ciggaretts; Capri 120's. lol. They wicked long!
lol! The only reason I bought them was to see what they were like because Keri was going on and on about how cool they were. Now people are going to make fun of me because they're so fucking long. :lol: I do have some Doral's left...only like 8, though.
Those are for when Chris bugs me for a ciggarette because I know he wouldn't want a Capri. Yesterday after we met up w/ Daniel, Keri was all like "Want a Capri?" all happy and shit and he's like "...no!" It was funnier then hell because when I told them they were menthol he bugged Keri for like 4. ^_^ Yesterday was awsome. We started out at Micheal's, watched tv and had a few ciggrettes for like 10 minutes, went around the neighborhood and passed out "Teen Enterprise Babysitting" flyers, then went to go pick up Keri's little brother from school. While we were waiting for him at school we all went into the girls bathroom because Keri had to fix her makeup. Micheal handed me a perminant maker and I wrote "MOO, motherfucker!!!" on the wall. :D Then we went to actually go pick up Nick, Keri's little brother, from the gym and left to go to the park to wait for Keri's mom to pick us up. On the way we met up with Daniel who's pretty cool. He's one of those party guys who can stand a shitload of drugs and not pass out. He said he had like 20 acid stamps so I'm going to ask Chris if he wants any and I'll probaly get 2 from him for like $20. It's a really good deal, I think. :D
Speaking of Chris he won't answer his fucking phone. My mom told me she talked to him yesteday on her way to pick me up from Keri's and I dunno what she said. :x *dies* But he's not home either way. I keep calling over there and his mom and sister are like "He's w/ Cody" or something. Last night I called at like 10:00pm and his mom said he's still outside w/ Cody. *dies* I'm like "Is he still grounded?" and she's like "...Yeah...listins well, doesn't he? I'll have to kill him now". lol. We both had a good laugh...
Nothing really much to update. I'm off to comment you guys back! :wink:
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| eek! Bad day! |
| 06.26.04 (7:10 pm) [edit] |
Sorry I haven't written in awhile...it's been kind of hectic for the past couple of days. Plus my camera's being a bitch ( :evil: ) so I would have some new pix of my dogs, me, and Kevin Couch but it hates me 2day so never mind...
Thursday I FINALLY had sex. It was awsome...Chris came over at 12:00am and we had sex in Connie's room (on the floor and bed). It wasn't THAT great but at least I got some, had an orgasim, and we both had fun. ^_^ I didn't give head and we only did it twice. :( But it was still cool. This weekend is gonna suck because I won't be able to see him until Monday because of his stupid brother, his sister, and Jeff. :evil: *dies*
Keri spent the night last night finally. :D It was pretty cool. I feel good with her because she understands me and we practically have the same sex life. :lol: We stayed up until about 3:00am, had some pizza and popcorn, smoked a few ciggarets, and talked alot about boys and such. It was pretty neat talking to someone like me.
She left this morning at like 11:00am and didn't wake me up. An hour ago she called and I'm like "Why didn't you wake me up?" and she's like "....was I supposed to?". lol.
We checkout out some shit at the library today. I got a few things: 3 Family Guy dvds, Simple Plan: No pads, no helmets-- just balls, and Hoobastank: Hoobastank. :D I've been watching non-stop Family Guy and I feel like killing someone because of Stewy. lol.
Speaking of killing there are like 4 people on my list so far: 1. My aunt, 2. Chris's sister, 3. Chris's brother, 4. This Casie bitch who likes Chris. :twisted: Nobody belives I'll do it but when I get pissed off enough, I will. :D
Chris was being a bitch earlier. He got home at like 7:00pm from being with his family, I guess, and he was bringing up when I fucked Eugene and liked Cody. I was so pissed...he apoligized though and told me he loved me like a thousand times and that just melts my heart when he says it...I guess he knows that. lol. He went to go eat, though, and promised to call me back. He hasn't yet so I called and his sister hung up on me AGAIN and then an hour later I called again and no one's answering so they're probaly out somewhere... :( AHHH! So I suppose I'll just talk to him tommorow. How I wish he was ungrounded...life would be so much easier...I wouldn't have to put up with a bitchy aunt all day and I'd get to be w/ him instead...I wish things were back the way they used to be...when Chris's mom worked in the morning...*sigh* So depressed.
Speaking of depressed I have to call Robert soon...I can't today...too late. I will tommorow... :?
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| Normal Day? |
| 06.24.04 (4:54 pm) [edit] |
OMG! Robert really did comment! :shock:
ยป darkblue-nodoubt [outside user] Thursday 06.24.04 [2:17 pm]
tired of typing. computer fucked up . typed comment earlier, but it deleted. im sorry. love you. bye. robert.....piyo!
Robert's like my best friend, guys. You know...the little mexican guy I go on and on about. lol.
That's him! :D He's the best person you'll find in this world to talk to or just be there for you. :D
So...my b-day's comeing up soon... :lol: What are you people getting me? Check this site out if you will... http://www.hottopic.com/wishl... ...it's my b-day wish list from Hot Topic. :D Speaking of which, they FINALLY added a Hot Topic here in KC so I don't have to drive ALL THE WAY to Independence. lol. My mom's taking me there to Hot Topic Wednesday when she gets paid.
I'm also still stumped on what to get Chris for his b-day...
I'm so obessed with piercings it's not even funny. I want to get my lip and my nose pierced so bad. AHHH! They look painful but everyone says they're not.
So today was cool. I went to my babysitting class today and we learned CPR which was supposed to last from 9:00am to 1:00pm but only last from 9:00am to 10:00am so we had ALOT of time left. So all of us other that Brittany (the goodie-goodie) left to go to the park in the city Tracy which was like a mile away :shock: Can you belive I walked 2 miles today?! lol.
Anyway, so as soon as Keri, Travis, Jackie, and I got away from the house we all smoked a ciggaret (of course they were mine... :x ) and were jolly for awhile. Then like half-way there Travis, Keri, and I decided to stop for a rest at the Tex station while Jackie went on to the park because her friend Greg was there.
So we all went inside and I was going to steal some gum or something and then of course Travis had to turn all noble and nerdy again and stand up and say "no" to my stealing. :roll: So we ended up leaving and catching up with Jackie at the park. We chilled there for awhile because I was so tired of walking ( :D ) and then we went up to Jackie's friend Greg's house to meet him. He was a pretty cool guy...shaggy black hair, one eye (the other a marble because it was shot out by a be-be gun), and a pot-smoker. Not so bad...
And of course Travis had to have another ciggaret and pulled like 4 out of the box and handed them around. I was gonna kill him. :x
After all this it was 12:30pm and Travis had to be home at 1:00pm because that's when the class ended. The rest of us could go home when we wanted. :D So Travis was all freaking out every 5 minutes asking what time it was instead of enjoying the break so finally we told him to directions on how to get back to the classroom and surprisngly he went by himself! So the three of us, Keri, Jackie, and I, stayed behind and lounged for a bit before moveing again. Then we headed to the Tex station again to see if water was free and, of course, it is so we got a shitload and some gum and left. On the way back was peaceful. We stopped a few times to look a road-kill and Platte River...it wasn't that bad. A flock of birds did follow us quite a few times and we thought it was Travis's spirit haunting us because he had commited suicide by jumping off the bridge of the Platte River. That was a good laugh. :lol:
So we finally got back smelling of ciggarette smoke and pot from Greg and we sat and ate our lunchs until our moms came to pick us up. Wasn't so bad...
Keri and I are really good friends now because we have so much in commen. She was supposed to spend the night tonight but my mom "doesn't want to put up w/ us" so I have to wait until tommorow when she doesn't work.
Time is running out!!! My mom wants to move to St. Jo so bad now. I HAVE to see Chris before I go. AHHH! I wish he would just understand and come see me or something before I leave...why doesn't he understand?! I mean, yes, I will see him again but not all the time like I used to.... :x
David's g/f, Tina, is kicking him out and he has no place to live but here which is really gay as fuck because he's mental and fucking stupid out of his mind. I HATE HIM!!! :evil: I don't understand why Tina has to push him off on us. She's just a selfish bitch who needs a lesson. :twisted:
Lmao. I'm so fucking stupid. I thought tommrow was the Warped Tour but it's not till next month. I read wrong on the e-mail...it's Friday in another state. *dies* So I think I have awhile. lol.
So that was my day. How is everyone's so far? I have to go take a shitload of medicine because of this headache. :cry:
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Lauren, August 7, 14, Kansas City, Missiouri, German, black hair, blu eyes, eyebrow peircing, preppy, punk chic, hopeless, clinically depressed, not worth shit
$904,802.00 obnoxious, love my friends, love my boyfriend, love red , black , and blu , Linkin Park obsessed, Tom Felton fanatic,
Blink-182, Sum41, The Rasmus, snob, loves hard rock, very bitchy at times, oral fetish, likes soccor, football, skateboarding, (not a tomboy at all) materialistic,
german and proud, is disturbingly fond of the word fuck.
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